10/11/2004

Interlude

Beeep. Static on the radio. The camera zooms out, and we see a wretched hut in the middle of a dry plain, on the porch there is a young but frail man sitting and looking out into the nothingness. It is the interlude, the time when you don't just look, but also see (for a short while).

The problem is not about what to do, the problem lies in purpose. As in, why do I do it? What is the point? And even more pressing, why do I not do it?

You fail to understand what I mean in the third question, but it is the answer to the first. Why do you do it, why do you do grind the grind? Well, you don't have to, and then I ask you (and you ask yourself), why do you not do it? Why do you not break free?

Do not ask me, I do not have the answers. But I have a statement: freedom is not somewhere else. It sounds banal, it is a useless intellectual morsel, a piece of meat that the housemaid has already sucked of its nutrients before she puts it in your meal, but it is true: freedom is in you.

I went to the places I thought would show me freedom, and it was not there. How could it be? I knew before I went, I knew as I walked the soil, I still know it. Freedom is within me.

But where! How! What do I mean! What do they mean! If freedom is inside me, how exactly do I get to it? Where do I meet it?

I've worn my rubber slippers thin, dragged them across the cement floor for several hours, listened to the heavy raindrops hit the zinc roof, ignored the creaks and squeaks of the ceiling fan, waited for the occasional thud of a mango hitting the roof, and the sound of it rolling down the roof. The mothers have screamed for their children, the car drivers have hit their horns.

I knew before I started thinking what the answer was. Yet I thought for many hours, through that dreadful storm, thought in the deep silence, thought in the lonely house with a bustling maid and an echoing TV. I thought for long, and arrived at the same conclusion: Freedom is the lack of fear.


5 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

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2:02 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

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2:02 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

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2:02 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Glad to see your posting again John, This time write about how you pass off some asprin as X. Its more believable.

2:02 AM  
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